blah.

I dont know why this happens.
I am pretty sure its KARMA!!! There is really no other reason for it. Nothing logical anyways. Shit, i must have really fucked up in my past.
Things are better than they have been in a while with my home life.
My parents get along with eachother, as well as with me.
But out side of that, things have gone to shit.
blah.

I will be shut down.

I am going to regret this.

I am fucked up in more ways than one.
I do not know what i am going to do with my life.
I hate school so much it is scary. Though, I would never drop out.
I feel like I am not really complete. Like there is something missing.
I have done this to myself. There are no excuses for what i have put myself through.
I simply care too much, I am too hopeful in times when there is no hope to be seen.
I have put up with shit that any other girl would never put up with.
I have loved.
I have been fucked over so many times, i have lost count.
I do not deserve this.
I am happy now. Though, i wish things would be a little different right now.

damn

I am behind in my school work.
This is not good.

I need to do something.
Quick.

curiousity killed the cat.

I got some news Saturday night. I didn't know what to think. My thoughts were jumbled and too mixed to sort. I could do nothing but cry. I mean in a way i felt better about my self, but the hurt and confusion quickly took over that feeling. I am still really confused about it. Im a little pissed off too. I just can't seem to understand why... How could someone keep something like this from someone that they care about. I could never do it.

Camp isn't the same.

Summer is gone.
For good it seems.

Everything is different now.
Nothing stayed the same.

For the better it may be.
Only time will tell.

Im alot better in many ways.

I've gotten over my illness,
and i've gotten over all of the bull shit.

I have found something that i love.
It scares me.
I fear this is going to get out of hand.

Oh well.
Im having fun.
Thats all i have been caring about lately.

Hold me too tight.

Now i cant breathe.
This is going to be too much.
All those tears.

I'll just wait for your call.
I don't stand a chance.
No one does anymore.
We're all fucked.

The thought that its worth it keeps me going.
I know deep in my heart its not worth it.
But we'll keep trying.
It scares me.

Now we're hear.
Nothings going to get better, baby.
We're all fucked.

You look so great.

Today was so much fun.
Liz, Jordan, and I had such a ridiculous time at Fazolies. haha it was too much!!
we made a whole story with characters and everything.
All of this was done with spaghetti, salt, pepper, and a smoothie thingy. Maybe some straw paper here and there. Wow did it get out of hand. haha
You would have had to be there. I thought i was going to loose my mind it was so damn funny. BAW, Tyler, and Anthony thought we were high. Man, we are something else.

On another note.
Today at the park Jordan, Liz, and I were talking... Jordan and I began to get a little bit upset. Shit just started to get to us.
But of course Liz had the right thing to say to us to make everything better.
I don't know why we got upset. It wasn't for a specific reason. It just happened.
Fuck all that. haha its all good now though.
I'm good.

Untitled

Im interested in how this is all going to play out...
New adventures are always fun, but this is a different situation then i have ever been in before. So far so good.
But it's still very earlie in the game.
There are still alot unanswered questions and what not,
but we will cross that bridge when we get there i guess.