this is it, this is the end.

I would have started on this last night but i was sooooooooooo fucking tired. I drove to springfield ohio yesterday at 5 something. And ended driving back at like 1 in the morning... It was hell... the show was worth it, and we could have stayed in sringfield but i figured, what the hell, lets go home. Rudy is making breakfast right now and its going to be super good :) haha i love that nigga. The road to Springfield was fun... I love road trips. It was a much needed get away from this place. Although coming home felt really really good :)

I am running out of words to say to you.

fuck it :)

Take a breath and let the rest come easy.

So im pretty drunk right now, and i think now is a good time to write a blog :)
Tonight was such a good night. I had a ton of fun with some really cool people... We took tons of pictures, and had a great time. the show was really good too haha. So last night someone made me realize that i was a pathetic piece of shit. i also realized that i wass in fact a rebound, and that its not worth what i have been putting myself through. i have decided that this is all worthless. And none of it ever mattered anyways... ITS ALL BULL SHIT BAHAHAH.

Cut ties with all the lies.

Yesterday was a good day... Even though I missed yoga I had a lot of fun at the show, the boys did very well :) I was really really happy to see that the level of awkwardness had shrank down to nearly nothing. (at least for me it has haha) I woke up this morning to a refreshing message on myspace. I just wish we could have became friends under better conditions. haha Because this way was not the most efficient or least painful. But slowly things are getting better. It just takes time, and no one said it would be easy.

So maybe it will take a while.

I have been home sick all day from school, so i have had plenty of time to think about things.
I think that i need to get away from this terrible place, i think that i deserve better. I also think that i need to stop... I need to stop caring so much, and stop being so god damn forgiving. By nature i fall too hard too fast. This has shown to be one of my worst flaws. Another one of my flaws is that i tend to hurt the people around me that care the most. I see examples of this everyday. It kills me to see what I'm doing, but no matter how hard i try it is impossible to make everyone happy. I have a hard enough time trying to keep myself happy. It has turned out to be a really hard thing to do. But as long as i keep myself busy, my mind doesn't wonder. And when my mind doesn't wonder i do alright. Band practice has shown to be the work of the devil.

As much as i don't want to be there, i feel for some reason that i should be there. I know that Shawn appreciates it when I'm there. And plus i enjoy spending time with my friends, and supporting AWY.

So maybe it will take a while before im actualy okay. But thats normal...

Hello Tomorow

Yesterday Shawn and i attended our first yoga class.

The lesson was a very eye opening experience. For the first time i felt my energy concentrated in the core of my body, and it was amazing. During one of the breathing exercises, as i lay there on my mat, i felt every stress, worry, concern and uncertainty melt away through my fingertips. Although the feeling was temporary, i hope after more and more lessons i can learn to live everyday care free and aligned.

i look forward to our next class.